Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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