I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I stole a fireplace last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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