Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
