i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
