Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
