standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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