apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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