My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
