it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
