69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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