Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
