There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Randomize
