Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize