kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
