I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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