meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
