Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize