Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
