splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
