I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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