Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
