look no pants
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
last night I used snow as a chaser
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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