JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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