I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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