I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
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I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
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He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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