I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My feet surprised me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
