I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
