She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
