we have officially lost it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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