he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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