Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
