i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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