Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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