Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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