That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sorry about my life...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
