she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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