Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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