eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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