If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
