Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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