did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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