Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
