If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
