today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
