Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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