everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
