just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just pee around me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is Oprah even human
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
