y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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