Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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