sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
