He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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