omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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