As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize