i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
