People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
