if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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