He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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