Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i need an iv and a liver transplant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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