Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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