meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
