woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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