we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
