Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
