Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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