Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
