it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
