just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
