I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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