The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
