OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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