i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
