I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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