You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
