Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
