Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
