I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
