since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
