Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
