Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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