3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
