I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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